Telka's Tools- Depression & Grief

Let’s start with a clarification, are you asking about an emotion or a brain disease? Depression is a normal human emotion used to label a sad feeling. Unfortunately, the word depression is also used to describe brain diseases ranging from mild to severe mood disorders. These brain diseases are commonly referred to as mental illness and impact approximately 25% of the adults in the U.S.  Severe mental illness represents less than 6% of the adults in the U.S.  Testing will solve the mystery of normal verses illness. Use the Tool #4 Testing, Testing, Testing" on this page to identify mood disorders' symptoms, severity and duration.  Discuss your test results with your healthcare provider.  

Bottom line: Differences between normal emotions and symptoms of mental illness:

1. Emotions come and go while symptoms of mood disorders/brain disease remain consistently troublesome for a minimum of 2 to 4 weeks and may also include additional physical symptoms.  Using a mood tracker may help with this distinction.

2. Uncomfortable emotions improve with distractions and vacations, while mood disorders, like broken bones and infections, continue to cause discomfort even after a winning lottery ticket.

3. Mental illness, like other brain diseases, may disrupt sleep, energy levels, pain sensitivity, inflammation, digestion, appetite, motivation, concentration, memory, focus and mood. 

4. Depressed and anxious emotions may respond well to healthy lifestyle, good coping skills and social support. Brain diseases may also respond well to healthy lifestyle, good coping skills and social support, however, just like any damaged organ, the brain needs time to repair and heal. Recovery from brain disease is not as swift as recovery from the normal fight, flight or freeze, stress responses. 

5. For additional clarification, check out the depression and anxiety videos as well as the stress materials on this site and speak directly with your health care provider.

Check out the “Creating Best Results” pdf on this site.  In addition to those 20 tips, I also suggest that you take responsibility for your emotions.  Use the map, it’s your journey and your choice of destination.  You are welcome to use all the tools, videos and resources on this site with the therapist of your choice. 

Grief and loss resources in Lansing area

Beginning Experience Loss of a spouse through separation, divorce or death

Ele's Place 

Grief Share

Hospice of Lansing

Compassionate Friends

Sparrow Bereavement

First let me say that I am so sorry you and your family have to ask this question. I am glad you reached out. Although I no longer specialize in work with children or families, (it's been over 30 years ago now that I worked as a pediatric medical social worker), the resources on my Parenting Stuff page of this site may be of some help. That said, I will defer to the recommendations given to you by specialists in the field of treating children and families impacted by serious illness. Those specialists have an abundance of resources much greater than mine. 

Moving forward in your search:

1. Ask the hospital, facility, or clinic that is treating the family member's illness about their recommendations and resources to assist with child and family support including services of the medical social worker or the Child Life coordinator.

2. Utilize resources available through specific diagnoses when applicable. For example:  Family member diagnosed with addiction.  Cancer Care For Kids, Alzheimer's Association for Kids.

3. Ask about resources your child's school may offer or for their community recommendations.

4. Additional options may be found at your local library or on the internet:

Life Kit Podcast (2020) Tips for Talking with Kids About Death

Kathleen McCue, (2011) How to Help Children Through a Parent's Serious Illness

Ele's Place

Sparrow Child Life Services

PBS for Kids