The healthiest relationships require mental health and emotional intelligence. Review all of the other tools on this site before attempting this section. Too much stress, anxiety, depression or addiction, harms relationships. Manage and heal your relationship with yourself before attempting to assist others.
Tool #1 Understand Yourself, Understand Others
Using your logic mind, you can more easily navigate the confusing landscape of dealing with others if you first notice how their mind works.
No longer intending to change others, instead, seek to understand.
As you will note, personality types will respond differently to the tools on this website. Some will cooperate with healthier relationships, some will sabotage, tantrum or even sever ties. You can only be your best self, then detach from outcome.
Tool #2 Know Your 27 Rights, Respect Other's Rights
Simple rules create healthy relationships. These 27 Rights are the building blocks to a better relationship with yourself and with others. 3 page PDF.
Tool#5 Relationship Boundary Tool
It's not about being right, it's about having the right.
Do you set boundaries?
Do you protect your own boundaries?
Do you honor other's people's boundaries?
What are boundaries?
2 page PDF
Relationship tool #6: Passive, Assertive or Aggressive
In this 7 page tool kit you will learn:
Tool #7 Twelve Fair Fight Rules Improve Communication
Afraid to say anything because you know it will start a fight? Tired of arguing about the same thing over and over? Try these ground rules for "fair fighting"...which are really communication tools that allow you to maintain dignity and trust during conflicts.
Tool #8 When to stay, walk away, or RUN!
Deciding when to stay and when to go is so much easier said than done. If there are children involved, the decision is much more complicated.
This material compliments the Couple's Pre-test Tool #9
Couple’s Counseling Pre-test
John Gottman says, the success of a relationship may be predicted with over 90% accuracy. Unfortunately, without proper screening, couple’s therapy is the least successful of all treatments. The failure rate is largely due to the fact that many therapists offer couple's treatment without adequately screening for the appropriateness of that treatment choice. For couple’s therapy to be successful, several conditions apply. Use the test below to determine whether or not couples therapy is your best choice.
Below is a list of questions for each person in the partnership to answer.
Yes No 1. Are either of you distressed, upset, angry or frustrated with your own, or your partner's alcohol or drug use? (Are some of your arguments about alcohol/drug use or are arguments arising while impaired/intoxicated?)
Yes No 2. Do either of you fear emotional or physical abuse in this relationship? (Any history of violence, threats of violence, anger outbursts, tantrums, name calling, rage, screaming, etc?)
Yes No 3. Is an unstable mood ( anxiety, worry, anger or depression) disturbing your ability to control your behavior or blocking your feelings of love or joy?
Yes No 4. Are either of you interested in using couples therapy as a forum to blame, complain or tattle about your partner? (Desire to use the therapist to make your partner change or to referee your fight?)
Yes No 5. Are either of you engaged in self-destructive or secretive activities that violate the trust in this relationship? (Excessive lying, gossiping, spending, shopping or gambling problems, porn addiction or illegal activity?)
Yes No 6. Do either of you have a third party involved in this relationship? (Overly involved in-laws, an unresolved former relationship, inappropriate texting internet relationships or a current affair?)
Yes No 7. Have either of you already decided to end the relationship rather than repair it? (ie; separation or divorce pending or filed? Wanting to attend couples therapy so you can say that you tried before you follow through with your plan to split?)
Scoring: ***A “No” answer from both partners on each question indicates couple’s therapy is appropriate. Either person answering “Yes” to any question above indicates that individual therapy would be the preferred treatment choice.
Telka's tools, resources and recommendations are not a substitute for mental health treatment or intended to be used as medical care. This site is not intended to diagnose or treat psychiatric or medical conditions. Always consult your own health care professional for the treatment of mental illness.