9 Relationship Tools

Couple’s Counseling Pre-test

John Gottman says, the success of a relationship may be predicted with over 90% accuracy. Unfortunately, without proper screening, couple’s therapy is the least successful of all treatments. The failure rate is largely due to the fact that many therapists offer couple's treatment without adequately screening for the appropriateness of that treatment choice. For couple’s therapy to be successful, several conditions apply. Use the test below to determine whether or not couples therapy is your best choice.

Below is a list of questions for each person in the partnership to answer. 

Yes  No  1. Are either of you distressed, upset, angry or frustrated with your own, or your  partner's alcohol or drug use? (Are some of your arguments about alcohol/drug  use or are arguments arising while impaired/intoxicated?)

Yes No   2. Do either of you fear emotional or physical abuse in this relationship? (Any  history of violence, threats of violence, anger outbursts, tantrums, name calling,  rage, screaming, etc?) 

Yes No 3. Is an unstable mood ( anxiety, worry, anger or depression) disturbing  your ability to  control your behavior or blocking your feelings of love or joy?

Yes  No  4. Are either of you interested in using couples therapy as a forum to blame,  complain or tattle about your partner? (Desire to use the therapist to make your  partner change or to referee your fight?) 

Yes  No  5. Are either of you engaged in self-destructive or secretive activities that violate  the trust in this relationship? (Excessive lying, gossiping, spending, shopping or  gambling problems, porn addiction or illegal activity?)

Yes  No  6. Do either of you have a third party involved in this relationship? (Overly  involved in-laws, an unresolved former relationship, inappropriate texting internet  relationships or a current affair?) 

Yes No 7. Have either of you already decided to end the relationship rather than repair it?  (ie; separation or divorce pending or filed? Wanting to attend couples  therapy so you can say that you tried before you follow through with your  plan to split?)

Scoring: ***A “No” answer from both partners on each question indicates couple’s therapy is appropriate. Either person answering “Yes” to any question above indicates that individual therapy would be the preferred treatment choice.