Tool # 10 How to know if couples therapy is right for you?
Telka's Couple's Counseling Pre-test
Couple’s Counseling Pre-test
John Gottman says the success of a relationship may be predicted with over 90% accuracy. Unfortunately, without proper screening, couple’s therapy is the least successful of all treatment modalities. The failure rate is largely due to the fact that many therapists offer couple's treatment without adequately screening for the appropriateness of that treatment choice. For couple’s therapy to be successful, several conditions apply. Use the test below to determine whether or not couples therapy is your best treatment fit. You may also download a copy of the test to discuss with the healthcare provider of your choice.
Below is a list of questions for each person in the partnership to answer.
1. Are either of you distressed, upset, angry or frustrated with your own, or your partner's alcohol or drug use? (Are some of your arguments about alcohol/drug use or are arguments arising while impaired/intoxicated?)
Yes No
2. Do either of you fear emotional or physical abuse in this relationship? (Any history of anger outbursts, tantrums, name-calling, screaming, intimidation, bullying, rage, threats of violence or acts of violence?)
Yes No
3. Is an unstable mood ( jealousy, anxiety, worry, anger depression or paranoia) disturbing your ability to control your behavior or blocking your feelings of love or joy?
Yes No
4. Are either of you interested in using couples therapy as a forum to blame, complain or tattle about your partner? (Desire to use the therapist to make your partner change or to referee your fight?)
Yes No
5. Are either of you engaged in self-destructive or secretive activities that violate the trust in this relationship? (Excessive lying, gossiping, spending, shopping or gambling problems, porn addiction or illegal activity?)
Yes No
6. Do either of you have a third party involved in this relationship? (Overly involved in-laws, an unresolved former relationship, inappropriate texting internet relationships or a current affair?)
Yes No
7. Have either of you already decided to end the relationship rather than repair it? (ie; separation or divorce pending or filed? Wanting to attend couples therapy so you can say that you tried before you follow through with your plan to split?)
Yes No
Scoring: “No” answers from each partner on every question indicates couple’s therapy is appropriate, assuming the couple has a shared, mutual goal for treatment.
“Yes” answers to any question indicates the recommendation of individual therapy until able to achieve “No” answers to all questions.
#11 Resources for Parents
Tool #11 Parenting Resources
1. Michigan State University offers Free Parenting Classes, check it out!
2. Read about child development. Consider and the training program Love and Logic. Raising The Thinking Child, I Can Problem Solve
3. Help with Attention Deficit Disorder
4. Khan Academy for free help with education and learning.
5. TrailsToWellness.org is a website with free materials, manuals and worksheets anyone may use to address fear, anxiety, depression at appropriate age levels
5. Books and games that every family could benefit from:
Family Talk ® is a fun, portable conversation game designed to keep today’s busy families connected. The game includes 100 conversation questions.
Greenwood E. (2018) Simple way to understand emotion: My Mixed Emotions. Help your kids handle their feelings
McCloud C. (2011) Have You Filled a Bucket Today? Book by Carol McCloud -
McCloud C. Buckets, Dippers and Lids
McCloud C.Growing up with a Bucket Full of Happiness: Three Rules for a Happier Life
Damour, L (2016) Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood Hardcover – Ballentine
Cline, F W. & Fay, J. Parenting With Love And Logic
Karp, Harvey (2015, 2008). Happiest Baby on the Block, Happiest Toddler on the Block
Wade, Cleo (2021) What the Road Said
Disclaimer
Call 911 or report to the nearest emergency room when in crisis
Need safety and protection from relationship violence?
Lansing Women's Shelter Eve's House
Women's Center of Greater Lansing
Siren: Eaton County Relationship Violence Shelter
Telka's tools, resources and recommendations are not a substitute for mental health treatment or intended to be used as medical care. This site is not intended to diagnose or treat psychiatric or medical conditions. Always consult your own health care professional for the treatment of mental illness.