Blame is the opposite of insight. Watch this Brene Brown 3 minute video to understand how blame negatively impacts relationships.
"Are you a fault finder or a love seeker?"
Need relationship skills? This Brene Brown video teaches you about empathy and how it builds connection in relationships. (2 1/2 minutes)
Change your story, change your life Lori Gottleib| Ted@Dupont| Sept 2019 16 min
Relationships are work, hard work. If you are struggling, you may benefit from better communication skills. The videos below may help guide you toward greater insight. Before you focus on others, ask yourself this:
Are you taking care of your mind and body with the same attention that you would give a loved one?
1. The person you really need to marry | Tracy McMillan |Tedx| 14 min|
2. Why Emotional Quotient (EQ) is More Important Than IQ| TEDxWaiakea|Michael Benner| 14min.
3. Brene Brown | Anatomy of Trust | Super Soul Podcast 27 minutes
4. Unhealthy Love: Relationships with family, friends or lovers may have bad habits. Katie Hood|TED2019| 12 min video
Although Telka no longer offers couple's therapy, she does share resources and recommendations for couples who wish to improve relationship skills. Couple's therapy is successful when correctly applied as a mental health treatment choice. People who struggle with violence, addiction, depression or anxiety are not appropriate for couple's work until those individual issues are addressed.
Take the test in the column on the right. Once both partners have answered, use score key below.
Scoring: "Yes" answers indicate the need for an individual evaluation. Couple's therapy is most successful AFTER issues of mood instability, anger problems, alcohol, drugs, affairs, deception, domestic violence and illegal activity are resolved.
For assistance with improving relationships, Telka recommends
Each partner should answer independently:
Yes No 1. Is alcohol or drug usage causing stress or frustration? (Arguing after drinking? Smoking or drugs causing fights?)
Yes No 2. Do either of you fear verbal, emotional or physical abuse?
Yes No 3. Is a third party involved in this relationship? Examples: over involved in-laws, unresolved prior relationship, internet relationship or an affair?
Yes No 4. Are either of you intending to use your therapy as a forum to complain, blame or tattle on your partner? Examples: seeking therapy to change your partner or enlisting a therapist to referee your fight.
Yes No 5. Are either of you involved in a destructive activity that damages the trust in this relationship? (abuse, addictions, betrayal, cheating, lying, excessive spending, gossiping, illegal activity. )
Yes No 6. Have either of you decided to end this relationship rather than repair it? (Using threat of a break-up to force therapy?
1. Watch this Video Bruce Feiler | The Secrets of Happy Families| Tedx (18 min)
3. Watch the TED.com video by Jill Bolte-Taylor PhD to understand the adolescent brain: why teenagers are impulsive and risk taking.
5. Love No Matter What, loving a child who is fundamentally different. | Ted.Talk | Andrew Solomon | 23 min.Video
6. Teach Girls bravery, not perfection 13 min Ted.com
8. Need a plan for launching your child into adulthood? As a parent, we only have 18 precious years to teach the adult life skills our children need to succeed in life. Wow! No pressure! On each birthday consider which new skills are required for your child's developmental and cognitive abilities. If you are not sure that that is, Google it. Do research.
9. A wonderful book to teach your child emotional intelligence, emotional skills is Greenwood E. (2018) Simple way to understand emotion: My Mixed Emotions. Help your kids handle their feelings
9. Email Telka directly with your question or concern and she will provide a personalized resource list just for you.